homesick

I'm at home. and I'm supposed to be so happy. but i am so homesick for Daniel. We don't do well when we are separated.
This sucks.
How can i be happy without him?
I have never felt this way before.
like something is just eating, gnawing at my heart like its chewing a hole in very center.

Anger

Red rage
boiling in buckets of black
Fire Fury


i'm not actually angry. it just came to me. anyhow its almost christmas. and i'm actually super happy. but i miss Daniel. i wish with all my heart that he could be here. it sucks that hes not.
i want our families to become one. which they will, but its taking forever.

Disappear

Well finals are over and my time at the Banks's is almost over. i leave tomorrow. shew. its been a crazy time.
"something next to normal, thats the thing i'd like to try. close enough to normal to get by." -Next to Normal

Daniel is now here. but he's busy on his computer. i just want to go home. and i get to tomorrow.
"I'm aware that i'm so tired" - Erin McCarly

"I can't let you disappear"-Erin McCarly

Finals

The world seems so dark.
I am homesick.
I have four finals and a week at the Banks between me and home.

Daniel has no patience with those who are stressed about finals.
I hate him for leaving me here to study alone.
I feel like his is disappointed somehow.
I hate studying.
I hate
I hate.

Why am I crying? I can do this.
I know i can.
I've done this four times before.

I have a headache.
This is terrible.
terrible.
terrible.

I can't focus.
I can't breathe.
I'm freaking out.
This is as bad as sleeping used to be before the trazodone.


I can't do this.
I can't.
I can't.

The Future

I'm feeling worried today about the wedding. what if I'm making a mistake. What if i wake up in ten years and freak out because i've made the wrong choice?
Does anyone ever really know the future?

... i know that right now my future holds finals. three finals and a take home test made up of three essays. ew.