dizzy spinning round
all the ups and the downs
on a silly merry-go-round
busy being found
always lost on the ground
drowning in silent sound
Thursday, July 26, 2012
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
Mistakes
Daniel and i did it. If I could go back and undo it, I would. we didn't even do it all the way. neither of us finished or anything. Daniel stopped us.
will this be the end of us?
Dear God,
Forgive me. forgive both of us. i have strayed much further than i realized. God, with this ring, I re-pledge my faithfulness to you and to my future husband. We stopped trying to keep ourselves from temptation. I am sorry.
Amen
its amazing that this happened on the day my parents left for abilene. coincidence? i think not. Last time i had sex it was right when my parents were in the chaos of moving to austria. i feel insecure, so i reach out to someone and bring them close. this is a mistake.
will this be the end of us?
Dear God,
Forgive me. forgive both of us. i have strayed much further than i realized. God, with this ring, I re-pledge my faithfulness to you and to my future husband. We stopped trying to keep ourselves from temptation. I am sorry.
Amen
its amazing that this happened on the day my parents left for abilene. coincidence? i think not. Last time i had sex it was right when my parents were in the chaos of moving to austria. i feel insecure, so i reach out to someone and bring them close. this is a mistake.
Monday, July 23, 2012
Thursday, July 19, 2012
the ugliest word
I'm not fine with it. i'm not. not at all. i'm freaking out.
how could my parents move away from me?
I've been holding it in all this time and i can't anymore. i just cant do it.its not fair. i want them back.
i want them to come closer. why?
I cant stop crying.
last night daniel told me that he was sick of being around me like this. and it really hurt.
this is the first time i've cried over this. i hurt so much i can't stand it.
I'm so alone. and i hate daniel for what he said.
alone. its just an ugly word.
I'v got to stop crying. right now. okay? man up. you haven't cried all summer about this and now look at you, weeping like a baby.
I hate him right now. i feel like i can't turn to him. I feel like i did with logan. maybe this is it. maybe i should just end it.
"How can the world go back to the way it was"
~ samwise
i feel so helpless. i cant even stop my teeth from chattering. i'm not cold.
i hate him so much right now. i can't even turn to him because if i do he's just going to hate me for it. what kind of boyfriend is that? who tells a girl that when shes on her period he thinks of breaking up with her? who says that??
what good are stuffed animals? i mean really. balto, what good are you? nothing! good for nothing. you fix nothing.
I'm sorry balto, i'm sorry. you're not useless. i still love you.
how could my parents move away from me?
I've been holding it in all this time and i can't anymore. i just cant do it.its not fair. i want them back.
i want them to come closer. why?
I cant stop crying.
last night daniel told me that he was sick of being around me like this. and it really hurt.
this is the first time i've cried over this. i hurt so much i can't stand it.
I'm so alone. and i hate daniel for what he said.
alone. its just an ugly word.
I'v got to stop crying. right now. okay? man up. you haven't cried all summer about this and now look at you, weeping like a baby.
I hate him right now. i feel like i can't turn to him. I feel like i did with logan. maybe this is it. maybe i should just end it.
"How can the world go back to the way it was"
~ samwise
i feel so helpless. i cant even stop my teeth from chattering. i'm not cold.
i hate him so much right now. i can't even turn to him because if i do he's just going to hate me for it. what kind of boyfriend is that? who tells a girl that when shes on her period he thinks of breaking up with her? who says that??
what good are stuffed animals? i mean really. balto, what good are you? nothing! good for nothing. you fix nothing.
I'm sorry balto, i'm sorry. you're not useless. i still love you.
Saturday, July 7, 2012
anxious ness
Anxiety
Tension in my belly
Twisting like a snake
Treacherous and vicious
Tangled worries squirm
Tormenting my mind
The head of medusa
Eating herself.
why am i so anxious all the time? its ridiculous.
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