Song

by the way, we're better. all is forgiven.
I'm currently listening to "I've Been" from Next to Normal.
i love that musical.


Standing in this room, 
Well I wonder what comes now.
I know I have to help her,
But hell if I know how.
And all the times that I've been told
The way her illness goes.
The truth of it is no one really knows.
And every day this act we act gets more and more absurd.
And all my fears just sit inside me, screaming to be heard.
I know they won't, though, not a single word.
I was here at her side
When she called, when she cried.
How could she leave me on my own?
Will it work, this cure?
There's no way to be sure.
But I'm weary to the bone
And whenever she goes flying
I keep my feet right on the ground.
Oh now I need a lift
And there's no one around.

Its how I think Daniel must feel about me. Because we are always dealing with my problems. I'm always being bipolar and sickly and crazy. yet he has problems too.


And I've never had to face the world without her at my side.
Now I'm strolling right beside her as the black hole opens wide.
Mine is just a slower suicide.
I've been her for the show,
Every high, every low.
But it's the worst we've ever known.
She's been hurt and how?
But I can't give up now.
'Cause I've never been alone.
I could never be alone.

He struggles too.
isn't this beautiful?
oh my gosh. this whole musical just speaks to my soul. how can that be?


anyhow.
Daniel and I are good.
I want to marry that man.
I want a sparkly engagement ring.
I can see us together for years.
I think he'll make a good father.

I feel ready. I think this really is it.

I hope it is.
I hope.
Hope.




Its like I'm caught between mania and depression. I can't do anything. I have so much anxiety. This is nuts. I am nuts.
is the medicine even helping?
its a good thing daniel loves me.
I might end up crazy.
i might be crazy now.