I had a doctors appointment today. June Troxler decided that yes, indeed i should be on some mood stabilizers and also maybe something to help control my sleeping. fuck. I know, right? great. give crazy pills to the crazy little girl.
Okay, what i've really been thinking about is how that i really do kind of feel like guys should/do dominate girls. I love that Daniel knows how to take control of a situation. yeah, hes insecure like leonard by running every thought that runs through his head about me come out his mouth but he still has a plan and is capable of executing that plan. I kind of want him to pull me into his arms and be a bit rough.
I think that maybe, ultimately this is about my desire to not have to worry. I struggle with anxiety, right? PTSD is an anxiety disorder. If a man is dominating my life, i don't have to worry with life decisions. hes making them for me. that sounds glorious. but its not good or healthy. I need a guy who can balance that. one who can be an assertive man who knows how to be in control, and knows how to handle me without being domineering. I have to believe that this is possible. I just have to.
I want someone who sees me as an orphan-women like in Cane. I want to be seen like a wild child from "Sweet Afton" or "Wild Girl" I'm just a child. I want someone who takes care of me. in return i will make his life whimsical and beautiful and frivolous.
Does this kind of relationship exist?
its just got to.
I am such a little girl inside. I just want someone who will hold me.
all my love
ren
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