I had the dream again. The one where I'm on the island with the mom and daughter and the birthday party. The serial killer was back. And Brandon lived down the road by the pier, as usual. And the basement was cold, like always.
Then I also dreamed that Daniel was yelling at me. I have no idea what was going on, only that his face was inches to mind and drawn up in fury. I could feel the heat from his body, the rage radiating from his eyes, which were that stony icy blue shade.
(an interesting thing about Daniel's eyes is that when he's grinning and happy then turn a dark blue, and look like a sparkly black. Then when he's sad they turn lighter and lighter. Its strange. I like it. I love the way his eyes look when they're dark.)
I was diagnosed officially with bipolar one this week. I am also now starting on medication. its called Ablify. Its main side effects include:
increased hunger
nausea
excessive tiredness
excessive giddiness
Muscle soreness
I say "main" effects because these seem to be the ones that are effecting me. The nausea has been the worst. every time I eat something my stomach rolls and my head swims. I feel like a pregnant woman with morning sickness.
~Bipolar~
Child on the swing set
the sun goes up,
the sun comes down
She swings high
She drops low
Child on the swing set
Never the same
First one minute
Then a change
Child on the swing set
ever in motion
turning crazy
with pumping legs,
catapulting
into chaos
~The Switching: a bipolar poem~
Alone in a crowded room
shrinking smaller and smaller
the walls loom grey
I'm slipping deep inside myself
Dragging feet, dropping feeling
Dipping lower, downing lithium
Diving slowly, Drowning silently
Ding! my eyes flare bright
The world bursts into flames
dizzy ecstasy sizzles my brain
I'm pushing the walls, ecstatic
Chasing the wind, Chuckling out loud
Chattering endlessly, Checking nothing
Charging forward, Chancing everything
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