This time I dreamed that I was at the skeezy fluorescent-lit club that with purple walls that is in many of my nightmares. Sara Combs was the bartender that night.
Then, out of nowhere, Colin Blowers showed up and asked if I wanted to get busy with him. I told him I had a boyfriend. but then somehow we were kissing and frantically searching for a dark corner. We located an empty room and we tumbled into it. But just as he was ripping off my clothes, Carly walked in.
We awkwardly excused ourselves and I wanted to stop, I was like "I'm hurting Daniel." and Colin pulled me into another back room, this time shoving a big trash can against the door. It was completely black. I couldn't see at thing. I could hear his excited breathing close to me. I cringed away from him. Then he pushed me down onto my back. It was suffocatingly hot. The rough, industrial carpet chaffed against my back. Colin's hands were everywhere, grabbing and pinching and pressing me painfully into the floor. I screamed. But I knew that no one would hear us.
Yet at the same time, I was dreadfully turned on. I didn't want it. But my body had other ideas.
When it was over, my clothes were ripped and sweaty and Colin disappeared without so much as a "let me help you up".
I was so ashamed.
I woke up with tears on my face. I know that the dream was just my mind twisting things that were forced upon me years ago into a modern setting but still. I saw Colin on the sidewalk today and I felt terrible for imagining him that way. He reminds me a lot of my ex-fiance, so it actually makes sense.
But all the same. it shook me.
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