dreams of brandon

I dreamed about brandon again tonight. i dreamed that i was home for vacation of some kind, for a week or so and my mom invited a bunch of my friends to come down with me. So there was Daniel, Tim, and brandon, and some others. megan and leslie were there.
i stayed far away from brandon but he kept trying to be close to me. Daniel watched us closely but did nothing. finally Brandon got me alone and he was like
"why did you leave me and calll the police?"
and i was like "BECAUSE YOU TERRIFY ME." and i explained all the panic attacks i had and stuff. and he was just like, "hmm, odd. here let me show you some of my drawings."
so i inch back toward people and he just wont stop talking to me about these drawings of me and other stuff.
then he was like "so i heard that your family is moving to colorado?"
and i thought fast and was like "uhh, yeah." and i wondered why my mom lied to him, thankful that she did.
then i made it inside
i found my mom and was like "what the fuck??? why did you invite brandon??" and she was like "oh, i just figured that therapy wasnt working fast enough and i thought i would help your fears along by inviting him. you'll never get over him if you don't face him and not feel afraid of him."
and i was like "well i fucking feel afraid now anyway."
then i asked her about why she lied about moving to colorado, not Abileen. and she said, "oh things can't be too easy for him. besides, we are afraid of him too. and dont want him following us."
so then i'm like "okay, makes sense, but why invite him??"


it was terrible. i woke up crying. i hate this. Now i'm afraid to go back to sleep. i dont want to dream of him again. i really don't. i still feel scared my heart is still racing even as i type this. my stomach is all in knots. I want to call daniel. but i don't want to wake him. i don' know what to do. i'm so scared. but he hasn't mentioned calling him at all recently. not since school let out. i wonder if it would be okay to call him. i never have, not for dreams, since school let out.
i just want to call him, hear his voice. know that hes there and alive and he cares.
I'm afraid if i call him and tell him my dream that he'll laugh at me for my fears. he doesn't take brandon as seriously as i do. it really bothers me. it makes me more worried. i want comfort, not an argument. Can't he see that i'm afraid?
any how, i don't know if i can call or not.